The setting: An inquisition somewhere in Wusta.Bailiff: Will the defendant please step forward.
Defendants: Its defendants your honor.
Judge: Clerk please note for the record.
Bailiff: State your names for the record.
Defendants: Will W. W., W. Will W., W. W. Will.
Judge: Excuse me, are you gentlemen related?
Defendants: Yeah, we're from Wusta.
Judge: Are you represented by a lawyer? No mam. We intend to defend ourselves against the baseless and unscrupulous charges. We appeal to the downtrodden and disenfranchised of the world, we are being oppressed by the...
Judge: Hold on there young fella. Save it for your closing argument.
Defendant: Opps sorry.
Judge: Bailiff read the charges please. Will W. W. et al stand accused of calling politicians hypocrites and showboaters.
Judge: Bailiff, showboaters? Is that even in the MGL?
Bailiff: Not sure your honor.
Judge: Please amend to read… politicians being politicians.
Bailiff: Your honor, but I don’t thinks that’s in there either.
Judge: We’ll clear that up later. Read on.
Bailiff: Of calling the system a cabal of liars and thieves, of taking advantage of the poor and disenfranchised and just being jerks in general. Of calling Rosalie Tirella a hypocrite. Of calling Paulie Collyer a blogging fool and BS artist. Of calling Bill Randell a blogging fool and illiterate. Of calling Harry Tembenis a blogging fool. And generally dispersing opinion detrimental to their reputations.
Defendants: Wait a second your Honor. Their reputations? The ones they created? Those people are...
Judge: Stop right there or I'll... Bailiff move on. (To defendants) Do you understand them?
Defendants: (In unison) No your honor. It's stupid.
Judge: How do you plead?
Defendants: Your honor, plead? We’re just bloggers. Blogging about life, people and the BS on the local blogosphere.
Judge: Please answer the charge.
Defendants: But your honor this is still America ain’t it. Truth, justice and um… whatever.
Judge: Please answer.
Defendants: Not guilty your honor. Also not guilty your honor. Not guilty your honor.
Judge: Where’s the lawyer for the plaintiffs?
Plaintiffs lawyer: Here your honor. I intend to speak on behalf of the plaintiffs.
Judge: Please identify yourself to the court.
Plaintiff’s lawyer: My name is Mr. R. Hangemall.
Judge: I’ve never seen you here before. You have a license to practice? And what ethnicity is that?
Plaintiff’s lawyer: Yes your honor, I got it online yesterday. With a specialty in lynch justice. Got a good deal too: a free subscription to InCity Times, a couple coupons to Goodwill , and this really nifty compass.
Judge: Wait a second. Are you allowed to practice in the Commonwealth? Let me see that.
Plaintiffs’ lawyer: Yes your honor. See here. It says, anywhere. Your honor, the fact is, I’m representing a lynch mob and we want to dispense with any semblance of the justice and due process. We demand you dispense with the proceeding and issue a death sentence to be carried out immediately. It’ll save the taxpayer’s money. The defendants actions have lead to my clients being embarrassed. By the way your honor, can we pick the location for the hanging?
Judge: Wait a second. This is a civil trial. This is supposed to be about damages.
Plaintiffs lawyer: Damages your honor? We maintain emotional distress your honor - they hurt my client's feelings. My client says her webstats have dropped in the last month. And the others have lost the respect of the community.
Judge: You're kidding right? Am I hearing this right? This is not juvenile court.
To be continued…
