So how best to determine if Rosalie Tirella is… literate.We gathered examples of Rosalie Tirella’s works and ran them through a battery of readability indices analyzing the characteristics of various types of text. The more popular: The Flesh-Kincaid, ARI, Coleman-Liau, Fog, Lix, and SMOG. Not all applicable to her type of prose but suffice for this post.
The Flesh-Kincaid Index is based on school text covering grades 3 to 12. The index is usually between 0 (hard) and 100 (easy), standard English documents averages approximately 60 to 70. In comparison comics typically score around 90 while legalese can get a score around 10. Rosalie Tirella scored a whopping 100. Highly readable - easier than comic books and just as stupefying.
LIX is a readability measure indicating the difficulty of reading a text, based on the number of words, number of periods, and number of long words - a normal fluency. A low LIX value indicates better readability. According to LIX analysis, a text with a value of 20 is very easy to read. A value of 50 is difficult. Typical legalese has a LIX value of 50 and above. Children’s literature has a typical LIX value of 27. Rosalie Tirella racked up an amazing 5. Um... says a lot eh. Maybe she should write children's books?
Fog Index Level. Its value is a school grade. The ideal Fog Index level is 7 or 8. A level above 12 indicates the writing sample is too hard for most people to read. A hard earned 3 for Rosalie Tirella. Not bad.
So how does Wusta’s Tabloid Diva rank? Well, the results are quite compelling. For a 59 year old high school graduate with 30+ years of "publishing experience", Rosalie Tirella’s skill level strongly suggests that she should reconsider her career choice. Plenty of convenience stores and gas stations around Wusta looking for help. Keypunching skills required. Literacy not.
We try to be fair and unbiased (and usually fail). Thinking, pasting text into software isn’t the best method to convince a skeptical public of Rosalie Tirella's writing aptitude. Or lack thereof. So we recruited a freshman level English professor and member of the student recruitment committee to determine whether Rosalie Tirella's prose stands up to her contemporaries, the 18 and 19 year old children she psychologically emulates.
We gave the professor examples of Rosalie Tirella’s prose for an expert opinion – does she have the stuff, or any stuff, to excel in her chosen career? The typical question a college recruiter considers. Rosalie Tirella's age and other personal details were not revealed.
The bottom line is, and this may seem harsh, if she doesn’t have the stuff now, she never will. That’s to say, Rosalie Tirella wouldn’t make it into a college freshman class, even one with a very generous recruitment policy - not even probationary status. There was no suggestion that Rosalie Tirella take remedial high school English to improve her atrocious writing skills. The recruiter's judgment: sorry, not up to par. As we said, plenty of convenience stores around town.
Whoa dude! It’s not the style but the content that counts. I love reading about her parents and her childhood. And really appreciate her political insight – she’s a shaker & mover in Worcester ya know. Really, coulda fooled us. But okay, read InCity Times. At your own risk of course - it destroys brain cells.
The question remains. Will she ever find the right stuff? Well, if you don't have it at 55, you never will. Or better put. Can Rosalie Tirella rise above her station in life? Nope. She is what she is: morally abhorrent, psychologically decrepit, intellectually deficient. And illiterate.
Welcome to the wacky world of Rosalie Tirella, where delusion reigns.
Oh, and welcome to Wusta!
