Meanwhile back in the hood…opps, Village of Piedmont.It’s been 3 years since Paulie Collyer unleashed NOLA on the city. It never attracted the crowds he hoped for. He’s been disappointed every year since. Call Paulie at 617-625-2140.
Paulie blames the locals for its failure. It’s not their fault is it? Let's be clear here, he organized it, so Paulie's to blame.
NOLA started with the best of intentions - to help the NAA. But Paulie “Urban Core” Collyer and Harry Tembenis, aka Harry the Teletubby” turned what should have been a noble and laudable effort into a comedy of errors when questioned about the monies that were allegedly raised by Paulie’s NOLA. The fact is NOLA was a financial bust for Paulie. It contributed nothing to the NAA - just the local corporate donations they finagled. Paulie’s credibility has been an issue ever since.
So what are NOLA failings? Well, it doesn’t reflect the demographics of the city, just some 60 year old guy’s idea of good time music. The venue is unattractive – a parking lot. Who wants to hang out on a parking lot in a ghetto on a hot summer day and drink warm beer. And Wusta being Wusta, folks ain’t willing to folk out $20+ for Paulie’s favorite bands. Hey, gimme Zonkaraz anytime. Just kiddin folks. Really.
Okay, let’s get past the blame game. So how does Paulie get NOLA back on track, assuming Paulie realizes NOLA’s off track. Well that’s gonna be real tough. He don’t take kindly to advice.
Fact is, events of this type must have a carnival atmosphere. Folks wanna have fun right? Well here’re couple ideas.
Diversify. Paulie could rally his Hispanic and Black neighbors to join in the fun. Fuse Salsa, Hip Hop and N'awlins into a show for the neighborhood masses. Add a smidgen of Vietnamese culture. Bing! Instant diversity. Politicians love diversity events - draws em like flies. Paulie loves politicians. So Paulie’s becomes a local hero. Funny that Mayor Joe was a no show. Maybe if Paulie tossed in some kinda human rights demo, he’d show up.
But, a really big but, the locals really ain’t into that diversity thing are they? For all their purported open-mindedness vis a vis culture, religion, race, sexuality, or politics, Wusta suffers from a serious case of mass loathing - everybody got issues with somebody. Think I’m kiddin?
So how about a Miss Village of Piedmont contest? With bikinis. Skin attracts all kinds of people - regardless of race, ethnicity, sexuality, and politics. Maybe get a councilor or two to do the catwalk. And how about a Mr. Village of Piedmont contest? Maybe get a councilor or two. Councilors in Speedos? Second thought...
Or, how about kissing booths, lips or butt your choice, manned by Councilors Haller, Toomey and Lukes. Um second thought, not a very appealing idea. Sorta unsanitary. How about just going with a handshaking booth instead. Naa… that ain’t gonna work either. Can’t get those 3 in room without them dissing each other. Or how about mudfights? I’d pay to see that. Yeah, definitely mudfights.
Could work, but only if Paulie pulls em together. Have my doubts. This is after all... Wusta.
Oh, one last item. There’s a controversy about some hotel room bookings. Paulie claims to have booked all 637 of the city’s hotel rooms for his party goers. NOLA had some 300 party goers, mostly locals. So some 16 folks needed a room. At $120 a pop, a steep price to pay to sleep off a hangover. They coulda slept on Paulie's porch. It's sorta dumb to come all the way to Wusta to get drunk. So what about the other 621 rooms? Talk about blarney.
So will there be a NOLA 2012? Who knows. Been thinking, why would a guy who’s taken 4 years of hefty losses and every time publicly state it ain’t working out, still trudge on? At some point the IRS and DOR are gonna disallow those losses.
What this really comes down to is a legacy. The old guy just wants a legacy and he’s determined to get it even if it means paying for it.
Here’s a better idea. Why not just donate the money to a local charity? It’s tax deductible. Maybe some group will name a shelter after him – the Paulie Collyer Triage Center. One couldn't waste money on a better idea.
Maybe Mayor Joe will name a street after him in the fictitious Village of Piedmont. For a hefty political contribution and the riff raff vote.
