The best jokes from the White House Correspondents' Dinner
Peter Weber | April 29, 2013
.... most of the 20-minute performances were dedicated to barbed humor, however. Watch Obama's and Conan's full routines below. Here are some video highlights and a rundown of some of their best jokes:
Obama's best jokes
On his presidency:
"These days, I look in the mirror and I have to admit, I'm not the strapping young Muslim socialist that I used to be."
"Even after all this time, I still make rookie mistakes. Like, I'm out in California, we're at a fundraiser, we're having a nice time. I happen to mention that Kamala Harris is the best-looking attorney general in the country. As you might imagine, I got in trouble when I got back home. Who knew Eric Holder was so sensitive?"
"But some things are beyond my control. For example, this whole controversy about Jay-Z going to Cuba — it's unbelievable. I've got 99 problems and now Jay-Z is one."
"I recognize that this job can take a toll on you. I understand — second term, you need a burst of new energy, try some new things. And my team and I talked about it. We were willing to try anything. So we borrowed one of Michelle's tricks. I thought this looked pretty good, but no bounce."
On the media:
"I know CNN has taken some knocks lately, but the fact is I admire their commitment to covering all sides of a story, just in case one of them happens to be accurate."
"Some of my former advisors have switched over to the dark side. For example, David Axelrod now works for MSNBC — which is a nice change of pace since MSNBC used to work for David Axelrod."
"The media landscape is changing so rapidly. You can't keep up with it. I mean, I remember when BuzzFeed was just something I did in college around 2:00 a.m."
"The fact is I really do respect the press. I recognize that the press and I have different jobs to do. My job is to be president; your job is to keep me humble. Frankly, I think I'm doing my job better."
"There are other new players in the media landscape as well, like super PACs. Did you know that Sheldon Adelson spent $100 million of his own money last year on negative ads? You've got to really dislike me to spend that kind of money. I mean, that's Oprah money. You could buy an island and call it 'Nobama' for that kind of money. Sheldon would have been better off offering me $100 million to drop out of the race. I probably wouldn't have taken it, but I'd have thought about it."
On politics:
"One senator who has reached across the aisle recently is Marco Rubio, but I don't know about 2016. I mean, the guy has not even finished a single term in the Senate and he thinks he's ready to be president."
"I went to the opening of the Bush Presidential Library in Dallas. It was a wonderful event, and that inspired me to get started on my own legacy, which will actually begin by building another edifice right next to the Bush Library."
"I'm also hard at work on plans for the Obama Library. And some have suggested that we put it in my birthplace, but I'd rather keep it in the United States. Did anybody not see that joke coming? Show of hands. Only Gallup? Maybe Dick Morris?"
