There’s something perplexing about neighborhood crime watches. They don’t really catch criminals do they? I suppose that's why they're called crime watches - they watch crime happen. Rim shot!
We got one - a couple neighborhood folk and a couple flea-bitten mutts. One of them (a human) is none other than the ElmParkBlogger himself – Jim May and his two crime fighting mutts. From what I heard, he's not very effective.
I do crime watching. Literally. Got a snazzy security system that picks up everything. Come to think of it, the most frequent crime around here are dog owners who don’t pick up their mutt’s poop. Umm... wait till I get a drone, follow the dog owners home, then call the DPW's SWAT.
Hey, even cataloged Paul W. Collyer’s visits. Call Paulie at 617-625-2140. Got some 60 hours of crystal clear shots of him parked around the neighborhood, pretending to be invisible. One in which he's got a finger up his nose. Won't tell you what he did afterwards. And 174 drivebys since February. And counting.
Funny that our crime watch didn’t pick-up on an old fat guy sitting in a red van, or a dilapidated Buick SUV with an expired sticker, drinking coffee and reading the T&G (with binoculars and 35mm camera on the dashboard) parked for hours on end. Funny that didn't arouse Jim “Radar” May’s suspicion? Well, as they say, humans are fallible. Cameras ain’t.
Ya know what? A
t least we got a citizen doin sumptin even if it is just Jim May and his mutts. Hey, ole Jim even got himself a reputation around here with the college girls. Seems he likes to chat-up the little ladies, boring them with inanities and entreaties - hey wanna see my Christmas lights, so that when Jim sets foot outside his house the ladies tweeted a Jim-Alarm. In minutes the streets are cleared. I kid you not. You know, maybe crime watches ain’t all bad. Ours help get rid of Barbara Haller, former D4 councilor. The riffraff is gone. Now we don't have to lock our doors anymore.
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